Monday, June 11, 2012

Critical friendship

PHOTO © European Union
1. We surround ourselves with three circles of people, not counting our family. They differ in the degree of closeness. On average, we have up to 26 good friends, about 6 close friends and a maximum of 2 best friends. The numbers vary depending on whether we are introverts (less friends) or extroverts. In principle, to enter into the closest circle of friends its enough to empathize with the problems and affairs of the other person, hear them out, be honest, don't lie, don't gossip and don't judge, be trustworthy and have a sense of community - views, experiences, etc. It's such a simple recipe for a good friendship, so where does all the confusion come from and why such painful separations?

2. Quite dangerous type - unequal friend - meets all the above criteria, however fails when he/she is most needed. Breaking promises or criticism doesn't result from bad will, it rather comes from selfishness. They lack the time to truly listen to you. They are unequal, because they put into this friendship less effort than you do. They use allusions and subtexts to hide true intentions. Sometimes they have a nasty habit of throwing destructive comments full of sarcasm. A person using sarcasm thinks he/she is witty and eloquent. The truth is that sarcasm causes nothing but pain. More on that - click here

3. The sudden end of close friendship, unfortunately, happens quite often. Yet not long ago I thought "this" friendship can't die, not to mention more then one such friendship. But ten years spent together does not guarantee eternal friendship. Falling apart arouses many emotions, it can be painful. There are certain rules that are unfortunately rarely used - that is not to criticize. Even if you don't understand the reason of separation, why gossip about it. Usually the other person has a hidden problem - anger, jealousy. Gossiping can worsen their condition.

4. Feedback is invaluable, so if you hear criticism from a friend, remember it and say thank you. So rarely, people choose to give constructive criticism - perhaps because it requires effort, its not enough to say "what you've done is stupid," you must add why. It seems to me that, from time to time, for the sake of friendship, we need to through in some critique.

3 comments:

  1. So true, specially for point 3. "Be Impeccable with your Word" - says a Toltec wisdom.
    Like your writings:)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. Sure, no one is perfect, but I think gossiping is one of the most destructive 'habits' people have. The sad thing is people think is harmless :/

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  2. I guess people dont really think wheter it is or not harmless....nad here is the problem

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