Chasing carrots, avoiding sticks

People avoid change like fire, because every time conditions change, we endure physical pain. Something like a pin stuck beneath the ribs. On the other hand, we attach to other people and objects in a very strong and obsessive way, thinking they are the source of our pleasure. The loss of a favorite object evokes sadness. The departure of a loved one is of course associated with pain and despair.

Both behaviors, that is, the avoidance of pain and the pursuit of pleasure, are obviously part of human nature. Except that negative experiences have a more profound impact on our outlook of life and the world. Just turn on the TV. Not by chance most of the news are bad news, our brain is wired to record bad information.

The world is full of contradictions full stop. And we, paradoxically, are constantly looking for stability and patterns. We feel frustrated when we don’t get what we want and disappointed when what we like comes to an end. We are programmed to suffer.

But interestingly, this suffering has no physical form, its entirely a product of our mind. So the question is how to feel pleasure without the negative bias? How to effectively avoid suffering?

The answer is by taking small steps. Small, positive events each day will lead to big changes over time.

Fist, it is good to reconcile with the fact that everything changes -  children leave home, friends drift away, whatever begins must come to an end. Over that we have no control. What we have control over is our reaction to these events, and this is where most of the pain is born. We are the ones winding ourselves up and sticking the pin under our rib.

That’s why, secondly, take a moment to think exactly what you feel. Otherwise, you remain in a precarious state – something is happening, I don’t know what exactly, but I know I don’t like it.

It is extremely easy to swing emotions out of control. Negative emotions are perfect for that. It is much harder to keep your balance and practice being aware of and noticing the good around you. For is it exciting to notice that they have repaired the road, when there are still wholes around the corner?

The stages of coming to balance:

• Unconscious incompetence
• Conscious incompetence
• Conscious competence
• Unconscious competence