Monday, May 11, 2015

One Secret To More Happiness Revealed



Do we have control over our happiness? Yes.

Here’s one immediate way to start feeling happier.

Sometimes what we most deeply long for is exactly what we are preventing ourselves from having. It’s us, not others that stand in the way of our own happiness. I realised this painfully in the last couple of days. Here’s the lesson I learned.

Blindfolding the blind


It started out quite innocently. A couple of weeks ago I took part in an outdoor group exercise, where blindfolded we were told to look for ‘the door to success’. Yes, it was that abstract and I didn't miss the opportunity to be sarcastic about it. Guess what … I didn't find the door to ‘heaven’. Now, the funny thing was that I didn't feel like a failure, I was OK with not fulfilling the purpose of the exercise. I said to the instructors I was enjoying the process. That's true, I was. What’s also true is that I didn't understand the purpose of the game and I chose to stay in denial. Up until now.

What was blinding me wasn't the band over my eyes. It was my ignorance. Sounds familiar? I like to think of myself as an intelligent, curious about life woman; I'm also a coach, and yet here I was offered a gift of finding out something new I didn't know about myself and still choosing to stay oblivious.

Can it be that simple?
You’re probably curious by now to know what was the purpose of the exercise. Here goes, the purpose was to ask for help. That’s all. Ask for help and someone will lead you to the doors of success. You don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. I didn't ask for help and I didn't admit that I have a problem with asking for help. For that matter, I didn't even consider asking for help as an option. Up until now.

Learning through crisis

Fast forward to the last couple of days. This time it wasn't a game, but a painful life lesson. I got into a string of futile quarrels with my partner, with one almost ending it all, just because I didn't even occur to me to ask him for help and support. I suppose I wanted to prove to the world and him that I can do it all myself, by myself. And what I discovered is that by not involving him and others I am sabotaging one of my greatest life longings - to be seen and understood. I was sabotaging my own happiness. I almost ruined our relationship. This experience and realisation left me raw and in process. It was a healing process for which I'm grateful. I've learned that asking for help is an easy way to feeling happier and it’s a strength, it definitely strengthened our love.


What about you?
In order not to forget the lesson I am writing this testimonial. I would also like to encourage you to look how are you with asking for help? What’s stopping you? How are you with receiving it? Who do you usually turn to for help? Who are you becoming? Make a list of 5 things you can ask for help with this week and if you want send them to me and I’ll hold you accountable.


Leave a comment below if you found the text resonated with your experience; I’d love to hear from you.

Thank you for reading this.